All I Want For Christmas...

Holidays, especially Christmas have a tendency to bring out the most selfish aspects of our personalities. It no longer becomes giving, but rather what do I want or what do I need. In a season intended to be about others, how is it that it becomes the most trying time to put others before ourselves? This Christmas was a good evaluation of my progress in my spiritual life. It was a Christmas of little monteraily, but in abundance spiritually. This Christmas, it wasnt about what was wrapped under my tree, but rather the words I spoke the day of while cooking with my insane family. It was trying to be a light to my family and friends... It left me thinking though, what do I really want for Christmas? The "college student answer" says, money money money. The "spiritual answer" is for my parents and sister to come to know and accept Christ... but what about me? What do I reallly want for Christmas? Ever since I was a little girl all I ever wanted was a big kitchen and living room filled with tons of family and friends surrounded by foos and wine and endless laughter and yelling. You see, what most people see as normal or boring I see as perfection. I think Christmas has a tendency to make us appreciate the things we have and sadden us to the things we dont, and more often than not, the things we lack cannot be bought with money. This Christmas is my first by myself. My extended family is up north, and for the first year in a while... I am alone. No relationship... and for the first time, although I'm lonely I dont feel alone. I am content with Gods placement in my life. And this Christmas, thats all I wanted... contentment. Nothing more, nothing less. For the first time, I remembered the true meaning of CHRISTmas.

ENC 1101 Assignment: Self-Evaluation

My experience writing this argumentation paper was an interesting experience. For the first time in a while my writing skills were challanged. I found it difficult to argue a paper I didnt agree with. I have found in my past semester in 1101 that difficulty was a consistant factor. Our assignments constantly challanged to think outside the realm of comfortability. I truly enjoyed the socratic-teaching style of having each of the students sit in a circle to have an open forum for discussion. That push to think and write beyond the status quo is something I will continue to carry with me throughout my undergraduate and graduate studies.

Back to me...

As many of you know my english lit class has recently taken over my blogging topics. I have been caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, school, and the ins and outs of life as a college student living in (gasp) Miami. So heres a little update on my life thus far:

I am currently 3 weeks away from my second semester as a college freshman. This semester has flown by, and I can say that I have grown more in these past 4 months than in the past 4 years... allow me to explain.

Appreciation is a word used often in my vocab. recently. Throughout high school I was as i like to put it "stable". My finances, my relationship with God, and my Relationship with my boyfriend at the time. The most hurtful thing in my life was the "family life" situation. Well, in the past few months much has changed. I am no longer financially independent meaning for the first time in my life I have to RELY on PEOPLE IE(my mom and G-Ma) for money. Hard hard hard concept for me to swallow.. (im hard-headed, I know Im working on it...) My relatinship with God also took a bit of a nose dive over the summer. Some know things i went through, but basically I was ignoring God flat out. I could see him calling me to a higher standard and moving my life in different directions than i chose to go. And my boyfriend situation took a turn for the worst, but not only that, i listened to the people around me about relationships rather than looking to God for what he wanted for my life.... so after being a mess for a few months... with some hard work, and some deep God time, heres what i have so far...

1) I've realized that dispite my pride, its ok to rely on my mom for things. I have found that having to go to my parents for money has not only made me appreciate their graciousness, but it has made me see how blessed I was before and how i still am so blessed. I know God is still calling me to tithe and I am doing so with the faith that he will provide, and guess what?? He Has.

2) For the first time and a very long time, my family is finally stable. I cant tell you how long it I have prayed for life to be just normal. And you know what, God always answers our prayers, maybe not in our time frame, but in his, and you know what? My mom is now getting married at the Ritz in Miami to a wonderful man of God... hows that for an answered prayer.

3) Finally, the big one... i started working in student ministry again... I cant tell you how good it feels to be where I feel like I belong again. I have been praying for just paitence in every aspect of my life. As far as relationships go, im done doing it my way. I am finally content waiting on Gods timing... if its today, tomorrow, next week, for 5 years... he has never let me down in any aspect, and I dont know why Ive doubted him in this area of my life.

So there it is... my life up until this point... lots has changed, some good and some bad, but I'm a work in progress and as long as I keep my feet on the ground and eyes on God, life is and will continue to be....GOOD!

NCLB

The upcomming election is rapidly approaching, and as the days are counting down the real issues have come to the forefront. As a future teacher, and a current student, Education has become a primary issue and concern on my part. Early on in President Bush's term, he implimented the "No Child Left Behind" act. The goal was to subject students around the country to national assesments to test the indivudal's level of reading, math, and science skills in comparison the rest of the country. The goal was intended by the year 2014 for every child to meet a standard of reading and math scores on the assesment tests. A seemingly good idea; however, the program, although good in theory was never properly funded or carried out.


A question that has been raised for the upcomming election has been whether to revise or removed the current policy in place. After listening to both canidates on this issue, I must admit, my opinions reside with Senator Obama. In his speech regarding NCLB Act, he says:
"The assessment tools are inadaquate to measure a child's comprehension level. Although I do believe in setting a high standard, children reach their benchmark of high standards throughout different points in their education. The NCLB policy must be revised to form a growth model, to track a students progress. Instead of penalizing schools and teachers for not having students meeting a high standard, instead provide them the tools and resources needed to improve test scores. To recieve funding, progress must be made every year."

After hearing Senator Obama's comments on this issue, I happen to agree. I think we all can agree that the status quo of education in the United States is not acceptable. Test scores are at an all time low. Forcing children to reach a standard at the same point in their lives is an impossible task to attempt to accomplish. Ask anyone with more than one child and they will tell you that no two children reach the same peak in benchmark at the same time. I believe that these tests undermine the quality of educaution and promote superficial educaution goals that prevent real learning from progressing.

It should be abolished and a new growth model set into place so that schools and teachers can recieve funding and resources to ensure that ever child is truly never left behind.

Where do you stand??

I have and continue to view voting as not only a civic duty, but an honor and priveldge... Not only as a woman, but as an American. Nothing angers me more than ignorance, and unfourtunately my generation has no limited its level of ignorance especially when it comes to politics and the running of our country, the sad but true reality is sometimes, people plain and simply, do not care. Up until recently I have been guilty of viewing politics as simply black and white, and while the race of each of our canidates does not help this issue, I have removed the veil and have realized that there is more to politics than the extreme liberal vs. conservative viewpoints.

Although it is sad to say, the majority of my life, it had been drilled into my brain that conservative/ republican = good and democrat/liberal = bad. Of course that is just my blunt analyzation, but close enough for the most part. My life was consumed with the moral components of an election, that I never actually took the time to stop and think further than my normal realm of thinking. Although it embarasses me to admit, many are guilty of the same thing.

So with the upcomming election rapidly approaching ive been forced to choose. Forced to think...
Heres what I've come up with so far:

1) Moral issues are very important to me, I DO NOT believe in abortion; however, who am I or anyone else for that matter to tell a woman what to do or not to do with her body

2) I DO NOT believe in using the sanctity of marriage for two men or two women, but I do believe they should be given the same rights and benefits as any other married couple.

3) War in Iraq.... well lets not even get started on that....

The bottom line is I, like many Americans have moral opinions and beliefs that go both ways and do not rest on the republican or democratic side....
What has finally helped me decide who to vote for was my Mother. She is 43, in shape ( really she has a 6-pack) and your average mother of 3.... problem?? She has type 1 diabeties. She cannot survive without insulin... she also has thyroid diesese, and a fractured spine. All of these dieseses she needs medicine and medication to live, and because these are all pre-existing conditions no one will ensure her. She is currently in nursing school just so she can work for a hospital to attain health benefits.... recently she found a company to ensure her.... for $805.00 A MONTH!!!!! Thats more than some people's rent (prob. not in south florida).

Something that once was never a concern of mine has now come to center stage. Although it does not directly effect me now, I carry the same genes of my mother, if i am diagnosed with a diesese (which is extremely likely) what will I do then??

Im not going to reveal who I am voting for because I do not feel it is my place to try to influence anyone... I ask if you are uninformed...get informed!!! So many people fought and died for our right to vote. People constantly complain about our country and the state of our economy... well now you have a voice, use it.

What A Good Day....

So I've had a pretty rough week, rough in the sense that it has been a trying time for my faith. I have always struggled with the concept of finances... Ever since I was 15 I have paid all of my own bills. I have worked starting at 13. It has always been a diffcult task for me to rely on God to provide, when the majority of my life I have relied on myself instead of turning to God. So after a few bad days I finally had a GREAT day....

1) I accidently slept until 1:00 pm!! I wanted to wake up early, but to my dismay slept until very late, nevertheless, I awoke refreshed.

2) My dad sent me the amount of money I had been stressing about in a money order

3) my bank overlooked my overdraft fee and cashed my moneyorder

4) I found, bought, and got for a really good price my big sister's sorority paddle

5) I got to eat PEI WEI for the first time in 3 months!!! (with my best friend!)

6) I got my eyebrows waxed and got gas for under $20

7) I went to an awesome bible study!

8) Dinner with Kristin and some girlfriends

9) Went shopping, got a skirt, and 2 shirts for $4 each

10) GOT A PAIR OF ALDO HEELS FOR $18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (marked down from $70)

11) Spent the night talking to a great guy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Devon :(

My friend Devon passed away Feb 18, 2008... Today would have been his 19th birthday. As I looked back on my life up until this point, I still cant believe that hes gone... Many things have happened, and changed. We all graduated... moved away... but there is an emptiness inside us all. I remeber the last time I saw him... The big hug he would always give me. The smile that melted my heart.... i remember where I was when I heard the news... I didnt believe it... I called and called and called praying for him to pick up the phone. My first phone call was to my mom... her cries still ring in my heart. I remember everyone gathering at my house... I remember driving to the crash site... The parts of the car and glass were still on the road... the blood was still wet on the concrete.... My sister found his glasses... those stupid glasses we always teased him for wearing... I remember going to his house... hugging his mother... sitting on his bed... smelling his shirts... i remember hugging Derek... I remember the sting of his tears on my shoulders... I remeber not leaving his house until 2 in the morning. I remember the day of the wake... a line out the door filled with friends, family... new faces and old friends. I remember Sarah MacLaughlan's " In the Arms of an Angel" sung ocapella. I remember my sisters Euliogy... I remember touching his cold hand for the last time.. I remember the funeral... the white ribbons we wore for him... I remember after... Taking a shot to his life. The liquid burning my throat as it went down... He meant something different to all of us.... to me he was my friend, my confidant, my brother... Ill see him someday again...

Hmmm....

I wrote a blog about influence a week or so ago. After which my dear friend Scott Kenneally decided to write one of his own. We each have had very different influences in our lives that have shaped who we are, and ultimately will become. Below is a comment that was left by someone on his blog. It made me angry at first, but after reading it a few times I began to think what a blessing this person writing was. How often does one get to share his/ her faith with a complete stranger, who doesnt believe in anything you believe in, and thinks you are ignorant for believing that way.... check it out, and check out my response... if you have anything to add leave a comment... Its interesting... if we dont have people who dont continually challange our faith, will our faith ever grow stronger??


One thing about media. It depends on person what influences and how.About the other influences, I'm going forward as I can make an influence on that. Besides, how come God influences us? I don't personally believe in him, so he doesn't make any influence on me. Why should he? God might influence people in a good way or a bad way. The bad way is losing your mind, for the whole God-Jesus-gay thingy is totally schizophrenic. Why should I believe in God when it's certain that agent people liked to create imaginary creatures to give them some hope? I can believe in flying rabbits that cause thunder storms, and let those imaginary rabbits (which I believe to exist) direct my life. How stupid is that? At the moment I'm the one who's very strongly directing myself, and I don't really consider it useful to create holy books or dead people to tell me what to do.We are all based on physics and the brains make us to work. The brain should also tell us what's true and what's not, and it should be a certain thing that fairy tales are only for entertainment. How do you explain your faith? What if you believe in nonsense? What if you have limited yourself, your thinking and your living your whole life for nothing? And everything just because once you actually thought nothing.
September 30, 2008 12:07 PM





Ashley said...
I think it is all about influence. To the person who left this comment all I can say is thank you. It is people who dont believe and who search for enlightment on their own terms that make Christianity all the more real to me. In a world filled with darkness, it is God, his blessings and his miracles that give those that believe in him hope for a future beyond this world. How can we live day to day encountering all forms of influence without a belief in our heart that there is more beyond our world and our own minds. It is an interesting concept for one to think that our lives are our own... I however, disagree. Christianity is not the lack of thinking, but rather a progression to think and believe in something that you cannot see in front of you, but you can see all around you. To the person that wrote this comment: you may not believe in God, the bible, or the concept of church... and you may think that anyone that does is less smart or ignorant, but those who believe in God, are given a purpose and a hope for their lives. I will pray for you, that you find the same hope that can only be found through Christ. To Scotty: you inlfuence so many of us... your such a blessing.. love you man... never stop.

Influence...

Influence... its a word used often in our vocabularies. Im sure if we stop to think about it, there has been one or more people who have come into our lives and drastically changed us as human beings simply by their influence in our lives. But what about negative influence? Or the media's role in our lives? How does the media influence us? We have become known as a "fast food" generation in the sense that we want everything fast and delievered to us.. how much of that concept is derived from the media? What about the way we choose to dress? The way we speak? Or even the music and movies we subject our eyes and ears to? As much as we would like to think that we have escaped the media's influence in our lives, it is all to apparent. Take the hip hop industry for example. In almost every song, women are denegrated and refered to as "hoes" and "bitches". Upon questioning, many women just brush it off saying, well they're not refering to me. Yet if you spin the situation around, and say instead of a rapper saying something it was George Bush, and he wasnt talking about women but about black people, describing them using the N word... would the same standard apply? Would people accept that we wasnt talking about ALL black people... I think not. In our society we have been conditioned to think that the way people think, speak, and act is acceptable. Do you think it is a considence that the percentage of teenage girls with eating disorders has risen 60% in the last 20 years? The idea that "thin is beautiful" is directly taken from the media and its influence. So that leaves the question, how do we shift the influence of the media from negative to positive? Can it be changed? And if it is changed, will society change? A few questions to ponder... Upon thinking of this topic my mind raced 20 years in the future... when i have children what will the chain of influence be? The truth is, our world cannot be exposed to anything we dont create. Why do we constantly as a human race insist on feeding off of negativity? Influence... its all about influence.

Its not what you take when you leave this world behind you... its what you leave behind you when you go.

The purpose of life is not to be happy - but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you have lived at all. ~Leo Rosten

Ever since I was a child I had always hated watching the news. I would often ask why the news could never broadcast good news. It wasnt until I grew up that i realized the reason why i never watched good news is the simple fact that our world is emmersed in chaos.

In June of 2007 I was fourtunate enough to go to Lima, Peru on a mission trip. Peru is considered to be one of the poorest countries in the world. I have always had a heart for philanthropy and the option to go and help in a country foriegn to me was an oppertunity i never thought i'd recieve.

As one can see in the pictures above, Peru although beautiful at points was devestating to see. In the United States, if your parents die when you are born, the government will take care of you until your 18, in Peru, the government does not take care of its children, or its people.

Child prostitution, human trafficing, and drug running are extreme problems in Lima, Peru. After nearly 2 weeks of living and serving there I had grown a new found appreciation for my country and people in general. On my 7 hour flight home I did a little thinking. My mission trip was a huge chapter in my life, but it was just another day to the children of peru. The things I saw brought me to tears and it dawned on me that the images that could bring me to cry was their everyday reality. I began to think more... Before leaving, my father in his infinate wisdom asked why i had made the choice to "waste" $1500 to travel to a third world country. "What can a group of kids do in peru that would make a difference?" I remember him saying. I brushed it off as ignorance, and I began to think, this is the way the majority of people think.

Its like when were driving and see someone on the side of the road with their hoods up. We make up an excuse as to why we cant stop. "ill be late" "they can handle it" "i dont know that much about cars" But when the roles are reversed and we find ourselves on the side of the road with a broke down car, we ask ourselves why no one would stop.

Sometimes a little bit of kindness and a whole lot of heart can make all the difference in the world.

Opinions...

A persons' ideas and thoughts towards something. It is an assessment, judgment, or evaluation of something- this is the definition of an opinion. Throughout the course of my life i have never been one to shy away from expression of my opinion. As a woman, my opinion often has been viewed as unimportant or somewhat downplayed. I have taken it upon myself to be a voice for strong women to stand up for their equal place in society.

I was told upon entering the wide world of dating that during the course of a 1st, 2nd or 3rd date there are three things never to bring up in conversation: Religion, Politics, and Finances. I personally have made it a point during every date to bring up each and every topic for discussion. Is there something wrong with opinions or is it simply the fear of disagreement? I have always thought my opinion was my own, until that thought was questioned. Is my opinion really my own or is it formed and molded by my faith, and the people who surround me?

I guess no thought is ever completely original, but this topic made me question my own beliefs and opinions. Take the topic of abortion: my stance is pro-life, but why? I believe that every fetus is a life and no one, but God, should have that right to take a life; but how can I form an opinion on something I have never experienced? If I were in that situation, would that be the best choice for me? What about the father, should he have say in what the outcome will be? I guess part of growing up is understanding that its ok to question your beliefs and opinions, because when you ask yourself why you believe something, it forces you to truly find out why.

Too often we as people, and more so women, tend to forget that it is ok to step away from the herd and use the voice within. I want to encourage women to remember to use their voices. I want to die, not knowing that I agreed with everyone, but that I stood for what I believe in. That my voice, although not always agreed upon, was heard loud and clear, and perhaps made someone else think a little more about the things they believe in and stand for.

A Look into Blogging...

As a child I always kept a diary of sorts. I would become obsessed with writing. Ideas, thoughts, hopes, dreams, anything and everything. Then there would come a point when it would become old, and it was just another slightly odd looking square occupying my book shelf. As the years passed I would often read back on my thoughts. Laughing at the pity of my problems at the time, or finding myself in a state of deep thinking as I saw the progression of my life through my words. I would write things purposely wishing at times my mother, or boyfriend would stumble upon it, and read the words I too often was shy to express.

Why do I have a blog? It has become apparent to me that this blog I have kept and written has become something more than just an occupation of my time. It has become an outlet, to express my words, thoughts and ideas as I often did as a child. It is a way to cry out, reach out to anyone and everyone who cares to read past the first sentence.

I believe you can tell alot about a person by how they write. A blog for me has become the perfect forum to say the things I often wish I had to courage to say. At the end of my blogging days, whenever they may be, I hope to leave something I can reflect back on and look at the progression of my life thus far, but more importantly, perhaps allow these words to reach someone desperate to hear them. If nothing else, I have at least occupied my mind for more than a minute. In the words of James Earl Jones, "One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you cant utter."

To you...

If there is one lesson I have learned in recent months, its that life usually never turns out as you expect it to. I say this with the understanding that hopefully the vast majority of my life has yet to be lived. I came home for my final visit before Fall Semester begins. My room had been cleaned out and the somewhat scary things removed from under my bed, one of which caught my eye. It was a Steve Madden box. I knew it was not a long forgotten pair of shoes, I knew what the box contained, and dispite myself, I looked anyways.

Inside this box was nearly 2 years of letters, cards, notes, pictures, and tickets of sorts. It was everything remaining of my previous relationship. I hid this box, because for a long time nothing in it brought happy memories, just pain. Its been a while now, and both of us have moved on with our lives, so i figured: hey, what the heck.

I read letters, cards looked at pictures and random items Ive kept. after all of this im glad I kept these things. Dispite everything, I have nothing but the utmost love and appreciation for Mike. Although my previous actions and words may declare otherwise. I think when you get older, you learn to appreciate people, no matter how much they may have hurt you. I am extremely stubborn, and hard headed, but when i feel something in my heart, and i say it... its real. So here it goes. Mike, If you ever happen to come across this, it is only through Gods working and know it is from my heart, even though I would never have to courage to say it:

Thank you. These are simple words but often hard for me to say. Thank you for helping me through the most difficult years of my life. you were my rock in a crazy world. You taught me to rely on God when all else fails, and to believe in people and having faith in yourself. I know I wasnt the best girlfriend, the most pretty and definately not the funniest. I argued with you alot, I would never admit I was wrong, and I pushed you too hard sometimes. But please know, above all else, that I loved you. That love over time and through heartache has grown to respect and a deep friendship. Thank you for always being there for me, even though im not the easiest person to deal with, and may everything in your life be blessed, because you deserve your "perfect" woman.

- I felt it so i had to write it... call me a goober.

Dreams...

In the past few weeks I have made a decision that will effect me for the rest of my life. As expected by most college students at one point or another, I changed my major. I've wanted to be a lawyer for as long as I can remember. As a little girl it was my dream to go into court and put away the bad guy. As my life has evolved so has my dreams. I have decided to change my major to Education and become a high school teacher. After much prayer, my heart has a calmness and trust in this as a carreer path. What was your dream job as a child? How has it changed from what you want to do to what you do today?

The Best Date....

So today I made a trip home from school to come see my mom and siblings. Lately I've felt a bit lonely in the "man" dept. so a nice talk from my less than suttle mother was just what I needed. So I made my way home, at which point my 9 year old brother Andrew asked if we could go to lunch and have a date together. The idea struck me as funny considering the fact that I still think of andrew as 5 and incapable of thinking with his own mind. I agreed and we were off... I decided to take a picture while driving and pretending to smile... Andrew asked me as I was taking this picture what the heck i was doing and to watch where I was driving.... nice right? :)

This is Andrew Connor. He is 9 and more like a little son to me rather than a brother. I made him a bet about a trivia fact and if he got it wrong I was allowed to take him to get his head buzzed... as you can see, he got it correct and still has his incredibly long hair.

Andrew and I's favorite restraunt in Weston is Lucielles. They have wonderful food so we decided to go there. I asked Andrew what he wanted to eat and he replied: "I think Im going to eat like when i was a little kid... Im going to have mac and cheese." It made me laugh.

He got chicken fingers instead....

After we were done eating, andrew said thank for you taking him to lunch and that I was "the bestest sister ever!" My date was the best Ive had in a long time. I man not have a man in my life, but I have a little man who thinks the world of me just for getting him chicken fingers. Isnt being the oldest fun! :D

My Personal To-Do List....

I've Always been a fan of to-do lists... Im very organized contrary to my mother's opinion. a to-do list keeps all my crazy thoughts in a nice checkoff list for me to remember and keep track of. I promised myself if i felt the tug of the Holy Spirit on my heart I would follow it and listen. Tonight of all places I felt the tug on my heart... in the shower. It is days like this that just confirms my faith in a very big way. Thoughts like this I feel come from God. So with my 2 week break approaching from school I figured I'd make a personal to-do list... it contains the following:

1) Spend 30 mins each day in the word... at least 5-10 of which should be reading. Also including solitary worship music, praying, journaling ect.
2) View every man I encounter or is in my life already as merely a friend. I read a quote that said "Dance with God, he'll allow the perfect man to cut in" God knows the desire of my heart to fall in love, but I dont believe im prepared for that blessing just yet.
3) Start serving at Doral and attend every service & Elevate
4) Hit the gym everyday for at least an hour. Can also use some of that workout time to listen to Worship music.
5) compliment everyone I encounter in some way.
6) Wake up everyday and name initally 3 things I am thankful for
7) Make a concious effort to do kind things consistantly for people throughout the day
8) Make an effort to be kinder and more friendly with my sister and mom
9) Find a job


These are all ideas that came to me tonight. I've been praying for God to speak to my heart and change me. I've been praying for that perfect man to come along. God knows the desires of our hearts and I believe at the end of these 2 weeks I will be a much better person. 14 days and counting...

I Know She is Army Strong... But Am I?

For those of you who are unaware this is my "little" sister Danielle ^... i say "little" because, well even though I am almost two years older than she is, she is by far older than me in life experience. If you know me well, chances are you know my sister and I's constant struggle as kids to get along. We always fought as kids and even more so as teenagers. As I gotten older and moved out of the house to go to college, I realize just why we have never gotten along. She is the antonym of me. Every weakness of mine is her strength, and vise versa. My sister may have a temper with me, but I also know she would take a bullet for me without question. But this post is not to compplain about my sisters relationship with me, nor is it to talk about her qualities and faults... this post is for something more...

After recieving a call from my mom, I was informed that now a 17-year old may enlist in the army. My sister will be turning 17 on September 26th at which time she will be enlisting. At first I thought the concept was wonderful. My sister has never had dreams of being a teacher or a nurse... Danielle has too much passion and strength to do somthing so small. I always envisioned her as a cop, but the army... I had never thought of that before.

As I walked to class today I passed by the TV turned to CNN as a story of a group of soldiers driving over an explosive covered the screen. I thought about my little sister. I have faith that Danielle is Army Strong and Army Ready, but am I? My sister and I have never agreed on much, and she has the strength and courage to do what most people would never. I admire her so much for that... I wouldnt have the courage. To my sister: I'm so proud of you... Your courage is incredible and honorable. The United States will be a safer place because you are willing to lay down your life for the protection of it. I love you. And although I'm scared for you... and not at ease with the thought of you ever fighting in war... for once I will be the sister you want- encouraging you... supporting you, not the sister you need and the sister i have too often been trying to steer you away from trouble and telling you what is right and wrong. Im sorry for sometimes trying to be too much like your mom and not enough like your sister... Its only been because I love you and am trying to protect you and teach you.... but you've taught me more in your actions, than anything i could teach you with words.

She is army strong....

I'm A Proud Auntie!!!!!! =)

Antonino Peter Chiola arrived at 11:00 PM last night 7lbs 4 oz 20 inches long. My step sister Anda married my now brother-in-law Frankie Chiola and now welcomed their amazing baby boy nicknamed Nino. We are so happy to have him... both Mommy and Dad are doing well and are estatic =)

God... Through Our Own Eyes...

I attened Elevate Doral last week, let me tell you, AWESOME! It was smaller than the group at Cooper City, but it had a feel all its own. Smaller more intimate group. We did the usual meet and greet and dinner followed by the split of men and women. In our group we were following a book and the corralated questions. One of the questions was, If you could see an image of God in your life right now... What does that image look like. A few girls shared their answers, and it was then that i realized, who jesus is to me... how Jesus looks to me... everything about my relationship with Christ is different than the person sitting beside me. When i think about Jesus, I see him as he was to me when I first discovered him, and who he is to me now. If you have a chance, hit up youtube.com and check out the video EVERYTHING by Lifehouse.

It shows a young girl walking with God, following in him all the ways he shows her. Then a man comes, and pulls her a bit away from God. Then comes a man with money and they create a line between her and her God. Then comes a drunk girl, followed by a thin "model" esq girl. Each person stands behind one another, and with each person come a greater and greater distance between God and this girl. Finally it shows this girl down on her knees holding a gun to her head.. it shows as she throws the gun down and fights through these people in attempts to get back to Jesus. It takes a few blows and throws to the ground. At one point the girls falls on the ground and it loooks as though these people will devour her. Then Jesus comes up, and in an almost effortless fashion throws them to the ground and dusts the girl off.

That is my idea of Jesus. Every present. Even when I distance myself, he always will come in and be the hero. How do you view your Jesus?

Dark Knight

Im not one for movies with big hype around them. I'll usually wait until they come out in Blockbuster. Waiting in crazy lines, $10.00 before popcorn... no thanks. well i gave in and saw Dark Knight... It was AMAZINGGGGGG. Invest the 10.00, you wont be disappointed, I promise! :D

Broken...

Main Entry: bro·ken Pronunciation: \ˈbrō-kən\ adjective
1: violently separated into parts : shattered2: damaged or altered by breaking: as a: having undergone or been subjected to fracture bof land surfaces : being irregular, interrupted, or full of obstacles c: violated by transgression

When I think of broken, I envision myself as a 6 year old child dropping the glass that my mother told me not to touch... little did I know, that 12 years later, God would reveal to me a diffrent meaning of broken.

I have never been much of a boaster... but coming into my college experience I was overly confident that dispite the normal college behaviors, I could and would surpass temptation and keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. But I've learned something, as most people tend to do, that the enemy works in tricky ways, and sometimes... that ground that you think your planted upon really isnt a ground at all.. and when you least expect it... you fall.

I guess in a short month I have learned more about myself and my relationship with God that I ever have. Ive learned that just because you are strong, does not mean you willl not fall. It is much strronger of a person to run from temptation that to try and stand up to it... and that even when you think the world has turned its back on you, and your mistakes will swallow you whole... god places his hand on your shoulder and picks you back up.

Thats what Ive learned... that even in my moments when I leave God, he never leaves me. As Matt Miller once said, "Your either taking steps towards the cross or away from it". It took me a while to reach out to someone I trusted, but more importantly someone who would understand and not judge me. To that person, you have warmed my heart and made me realize things I wouldnt have realized without you.

Why Im choosing to write this now? Im not too sure... I just know that no matter how strong a person you are, or how strong your relationship with God is... away from church, the word and around wrong people, you will falll... you will break.... but when you do... god is always there to pick up the pieces. Dont judge, or lecture to those around you making poor decisions.. instead offer a hug and a smile and tell them you love them... sometimes... it can make all the diffrence.

Paitence is a virtue... that I don't possess

Throughout my life I have heard more times than I can count "Ashley be paitent" "Everything will happen in time" The bible teaches us to be paitent and to trust everything in God's hands and God's timing. I know from my life that all of us have certain spiritual strengths and weaknesses... paitence is NOT a strength of mine. Sometimes in life I feel like I wait... and wait... and wait. Have you ever felt like you've waited for things in your life, and no matter how much you want it, or how hard you pray it just doesnt come???

Scotty Kenneally

This is Mr. Scott Kenneally... I've decided to blog tonight about him. Because of his recent surgery he and his amazing wife Shannon have been on my mind... im thinking it.. so im going to share it... its my blog.. i have that power :D

One thing you have to know... The day I met Scott I instantly liked him. Have you ever met that one person in your life that you just connected with from the moment you saw them. For starters... our sarcastic, somewhat harsh humor is something we share. I am extremely sarcastic, as is he... we rag on each other constantly and its all in good fun. Also, we are not only bonded for life as brother and sister in Christ, but in Football and Baseball. We are die hard Red Sox fans... "Born into it" right Scott?? We both grew up in suburbs in Mass... and well... we just get each other. But this post is not to convey Scott's humor nor his incredible intelligence to love the greatest team EVER... no... for one Im going to go a little deeper into who he is and the impact he has made on my life.

This is the Scott i think of when i think of Scott Kenneally ^. Goofball....

Hospitals bonded Scott and I from the beginning of our friendship. My mother was sent to the hospital for 3 days due to complications relating to her diabeties. I didnt leave her side, and through this ordeal Shannon and scott were going through alot of health problems of their own.

At this point, I didnt know Scott all that well... Well sure enough... 6am here comes scott through the emergency room with 4 bags in tow. One filled with magazines, gum, mouthwash, a toothbrush, dedorant, face wash, and snacks. Another bag filled with soda, water and gatorade. A sweatshirt in one hand and a venti white chocolate mocha from starbucks.... The thing is, no one knows what Scott did for me that day. Thats not who he is... he doesnt boast about what he does for others... he just does it. Doesnt ask, just does. He is truly a living man exemplifying Christ.

Scott was hit by a drunk driver a few years ago while he was driving his motorcycle. Because of that accident his life changed forever. He met the love of his life... but his right ankle was severely damaged. After therapy and unlimited pain, he went in for repair surgery July 1, 2008.

Here is a picture of Scott's ankle, post-surgery. The sicko was probally taking this on his iphone as hes all drugged up. Keep in mind I first saw this picture when I was eating... yum.

The point of all this was my conversation with Scott today. We did the usually how are you, how are you deal. He talked to me about his pain and things throughout his day and I replied with my answers. I have had a rough few days and Scott is well aware of this... So while this man is bound to his pain in at times, unbareable pain, do you know what he asks me?? What can I do for you? What do you need? Do you need a break? Do you want to come over and talk to Shan and I?

i must say... it doesnt take much for me to be stunned, but scott is known for that effect on people ;). I know he will read this eventually and be modest and say its not that big of a deal... you would do the same.... It is a big deal. You and Shannon are truly an inspiration to me. We will be friends for life... thank you for everything Scotty. Love ya...

Heres A Thought...

I was thinking tonight about blogging. I truly never expected anyone to ever read my blog, now that I realized some people actually take the time to read it I thought, Hey... why not blog about people individually. Sometimes an entire day can be consumed with my thought on that one person. So for a little while.. once in a while... I will blog about one person.... Lets see the reaction!!

Mind too full to Sleep...

Do you ever just have those nights where you mind, heart, and soul just feel so completely filled? Tonight the culimnation of everything I have been thinking, dreading, hoping for, missing, wanting, fearing has finally caught up with me. God and I have a funny relationship. I am a control freak. Im a fixer. Im a worrier. I am all these things that God has made me to be, yet it is the opposite of what I should be. My biggest spiritual problem is letting go and letting God work. I think that if i can do it all, i wont be "bothering" God.

Im not the nicest person to be around when im upset, and lately I have not been myself. I guess i just need to throw myself into his word... trust... and let God do the rest. I know his plans are so much better than the ones I have for myself. Its just about waiting... praying... and being faithful. I have seen God bless my life in so many areas I have no doubt he will continue to care for me, I just ask for your prayers and encouragement... and thank you to those who still love me even when i can be a handfull.... i really do love you so much.

I Am Alive... Barely

So, Its been a little while since my last post, and in that amount of time ALOT has happened. I packed up my life and moved it to good 'ol Miami. I am now officially a student at Florida International University. Yay me (sarcasm). There are a few things I have learned in my short time here in Miami: 1) I am such a gringo 2) Drivers here are HORRIBLE!!!! Now i see why Jesse and Abel drive the way they do ;) (just kidding guys). 3) Dorms...well... suck.

I wasnt expceting the Ritz or anything, but... well this is what $2,500 for 6 weeks gets you in college. Hey... at least I have my own room.

People ask how it is with more freedom and such... its really about the same.. just more lonely.

Its only my first week, im trying to be positive so wish me luck with that.

I have seen in a very short amount of time God working in incredible ways in my life and my friends. Shannon Bower/ Kenneally found out this week that her health issues have been caused by severe migranes and not a stroke THANK GOD! My best to Shannon... Also, her husband Scott will be having surgery the 1st of July. Please pray for him as he goes through this ordeal.. he likes... no... loves coffee... so i would suggest a venti from starbucks instead of flowers if anyone is interested.

Being away has made me appreciate those i love. If you know me, Im extrememly independent. I dont like to ask people for help, in anything, but mostly monetarily. I hate asking for money or admitting that I need financial help. I have been kicked to my knees this week. First I not only recieved one ticket, but 5 from the wonderful FIU Campus Police. While moving in, I decided to park in the handicapped spot... you know how it says on the sign $250.00 fine.... well they enforced it. Yay me.

Its been a rough start, and I can see how it is so easy to walk away from God and church at this age. I didnt grow up in a christian home, nor was I a sheltered child, but I chose to cut myself off from that "world" as much as possible. But God has me here for a reason, and throughout this week... I've learned that when Life kicks you to your knees, your already in a perfect position to pray.

Pray... Pray Hard... Pray Faithfully... and Let God do the Rest... Until next time.. love you all

Hasta

GRADUATION... FINALLY!!!

June 3, 2008 I officially graduated from high school. We had practice early that morning and I had the ability to sit and watch. If you know me, Im a people-watcher. I'm not wierd I just love to observe people... in their actions, their clothing.. its funny how much you can find out about a person just by watching them. Anyways, I was watching the people around me. Some people I have known since I moved to Florida 10 years ago, and others I have never seen before (not a difficult task when you have the largest graduating class in the nation.. seriously)

I reflected back on my past 4 years. I thought of my first day of high school and how I was late and woke up crying because I was going to miss class. I thought of the friends that I have had that have come and gone, I thought about those that stayed, and the friends that help to change my life.

I looked back on accepting Christ at 16... I looked back on my relationships and the one that changed me forever. Most of you know who I'm reffering to. God has a strong sense of humor... It was finding, loving, and losing him to change me into the person God had been trying to mold me into all along.

Graduation wasnt just the ending of high school for me, it was the timeline of my life for the past 4 years. I look back on all that has happened both good and bad and I'm so thankful to God that they did.

I walked across the stage expecting to feel some kind of incredible feeling, but I just felt complete. I made it through high school.. and while some compromises were made on my part throughout, the things important to me I stayed true to. I'm 18.. a high school graduate the day has come and gone.. and now its just another chapter in my book of life....hasta

5 girls + 4 ATVs + lots of mud = TROUBLE

So since my last post was a tad... morbid... i thought I'd share how i spent my memorial day weekend... well, one night of it at least.

Well, first off can I just say its not exactly the smartest thing to go ATVing at night... in the middle of a random forrest in Lake Placid. (for those of you who dont know, lake placid is a small town consisting of one grocery store, a few random forrests and a BIG lake) SO, anyhow, it began with me driving around... and because i couldnt see i droke straight into a lake.

Then, my friends had to attempt to get me out of the lake. We spent the rest of the time mudding.. goofing off.. until around 11:30 we figured we should head home....PROBLEM! We spent so much time goofing off that not 1 not 2 but 3 of our ATVs didnt work. So needless to say, it took 4 boys some extreme boy scout maintance and they hot wired the ATVs and we made it home around 1:30 am. But you know what?? While we were out there.. I saw the most beauitful sky. Fully lit with stars, it was so amazing it could take your breath away. So thats the weekend for ya in a nut shell.

Thinking...

I got a bit of a scare when I found that the odd lump near my "chest region" grew over the weekend. I am pre-disposed to breast cancer and it is common in women in my family. While I didnt jump the gun and get worried my Mom did. I sat back and made a doctor appointment when the idea of death flashed through my mind. I know its crazy to think of now... but I began to think, "What if this did come back malignant?" Would the people in my life know how much I loved them? What would my service look like? Would I want a service? Would I have accomplished all I set out to? and finally... and most importantly... where would I go? Death we all find to be a morbid subject, but why? So I began to think... and heres what I came up with:
1. I DO NOT want a wake/viewing. I want people to remember me as I was.
2. I want people to wear white not black. Death is something that is sad only for those left behind.
3. I want there to be a party. Not a sad, slow walking funeral. Remember my life as I lived it. To be around those you love... eat... dance... enjoy life.
4. I dont want flowers. I want that money to be donated to a chartiy of one's choice. All I want is a single white rose. (my favorite)
5. I want a few songs played: "On eagles Wings" "Be Not Afraid" and "Ave' Maria" I grew up catholic and these were always my favorite.

sorry if your reading this and find it morbid.. but hey you never know what might happen tomorrow so if you want your wishes known, put them out there... but im planning on being around for awhile! :D

Scars...

We are taught thru the bible and thru life that when someone hurts you forgive them, but what happens when your the one doing the hurting? The other day, as I often do, had a big lesson learned in this wierd ride called life. If you know me, I'm a sarcastic joking around person by nature. 90% of the time I'm very careful about what I say and do... well I experienced the other 10% and it was a wake up call. My friend Scott wrote a blog about scars. How the torments some of us went through as children still are very much apart of our everyday lives. It made me think of the torture I went through in 5th grade when I was told I had a uni-brow. Most people would laugh and shrug it off but to this day I have a tendency to look away when I talk to someone. Its not that im disinterested or bored, its simply a habit I have formed over the years as a result of being teased as a child. I have always tried to be careful of other's scars so as to not provoke any hurt feelings. Well, I slipped up. A good friend of mine was teased as a child for being heavy. To me he looks great, fit, handsome, but I forget sometimes that what we see is not always what they see. So my friend and I were joking around taking jabs at one another and I pinched his belly. Not thinking that it would cause him to get upset. I recived a 4 page text message about how it brought about feelings of his childhood. It made me so upset to know I hurt someone I care deeply for and would never want to hurt. To my friend.... your a stud... and im sorry. The bible teaches us to forgive one another... but what do you do when your the one that needs forgiving??

Senior Prank 2008!!!!!!!!!

So the pictures pretty much speak for themselves..... :D CLASS OF 2008 BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Courage...

Usually when the term courage comes to mind an image of a solider away at war or a child saying no to drugs and yes to jesus reflects my idea of courage. However, today gave me another lesson in courage or rather viewing courage in someone else. One thing that I have been blessed with is amazing friends, and everyone of them absoutly beauitful both inside and out... but the out part is what my lesson has been on. My good friend Danielle who I see as one of the most amazing women I have had the privledge to know came out and revealed she will be going to a clinic for eating disorders this summer. I have known Dani for quite some time and as the years progressed I have seen her go from normal absoutly healthyweight to a scary waist size. Sometimes we often see problems existing in others and do nothing about it. Although I made comments to Dani often as to how I was worried about her I never took the time to really express my concerns. Dani has shown a level of courage and maturity as she has taken the inital steps to battle this all too familiar diesese. I ask that if you could take a moment and pray for Dani and her recovery and that she may view her beauty as we do. I'm so proud of you Dani. I love you.

May 18, 2008...

Today is May 18, 2008. It is a Sunday... it is also the 3 month mark of the death of my very good friend Devon Monivis. Three months ago, I learned that my friend of nearly 8 years had died in a horrible car accident. 18 years old... 3 months shy of his high school graduation. To all of us it seemed like a senseless tragedy... another innocent life taken, another good man ripped from the world. Its hard to seek God in pain when you can't see past your tears. But here we are... 3 months later. Our healing has begun. I can see pictures and not cry at the sight of his smile anymore. I can talk about him now in the past tense and not cringe. It was hard to see then, but Devon's death brought many of us closer than we had ever been. It was the first time the reality of life had truly sunk in and that our time to go truly may be at any moment. For those who knew Devon, he was always smiling... always telling some terrible joke, and just as he touched our hearts through his life... he continues to do so through his death. His love will always remain in my heart, and the legacy of love that he left behind will stay with us all. Devon Monivis was truly a great man, who was taken far too soon. Heaven got another angel 3months ago today.... I love you Devon.... Rest in Peace.

Prom...

Well... Its finally over. The 4 years of built up anticipation has finally come to a close. And let me say... it was AWESOME! Now the day of was a bit... stressful. Let me explain... when your an 18 year old girl and your hair looks bad for your senior prom... you get a tad ticked off. But thank God for Mothers. MY poor mom, after a near full day of flying from her vacation in Hawaii she comes home to two extremely emotional girls only to find their hair looks terrible and they cant fix it... but my mom being the awesome woman she is took some hairspray and bobbypins and voila!!! PROM HAIR! (Thanks Mom!) Anywho... our prom tickets were $180.00 EACH! I know I know if your prom was before 2001 your probably falling off your chair right about now, but the Westin Diplomat was incredible and so worth the money. The crowning of King and Queen, the occasional drunk girl running around and then throwing up. It was prom as I always imagined it to be. Its funny how you wait so long for something and then it comes, goes, and now I'm about to graduate. Its just one more step in this crazy ride called life.... until next time... hasta

Gracious Uncertainty

I woke up today with a laundry list of things to do. I found myself making and breaking plans all within the five minute span that I awoke. I looked at my calendar as I often do and sat back to think. These next 3 weeks are the 3 weeks that in essence culminate the entire experience of high school. Prom is tomorrow, Finals are next week and then...... GRADUATION! Ah! Can we all take a moment and let that just sink in... :D

Anyways... I began thinking if I dont do everything exactly as I planned today, I wont get everything done that I need to... and thats alot like our lives isn't? Our natural inclination is to be so precise- trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next. When in fact the bible teaches us the exact opposite. Teaching not to think of tomorrow for we don't know the first thing about tomorrow. Stealing a passage from "MY Utmost" Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life- gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life.

I have found that this ties in perfectly with Matt Miller's teaching at the Loft, to become spiritual in every area of our lives (thanks Matt, you rock!) And not be become a "good person" but a person of integrity. And ithink that is an important lesson, because just as we try to dictate our lives and everything we do, we often try to mold ourselves into the person we believe or the person we think God wants us to be. "... it has not yet be revealed what we shall be..."(1 John 3:2) Sometimes we just need to set back, let go, and let God... and for you control freaks like me out there I know it can be hard. But just remember God works in all ways, often in Gracious Uncertainty. Just remain faithful to him, and the rest will work itself out....until next time.. hasta

Beginning This Journey into Blogging...

Well, I figured I might as well jump on the bandwagon and create myself a blog. I often will see something throughout my day that will 1. inspire me 2. tick me off 3. make me think 4. or is completely random and funny. And well since I type faster than I write I might as well blog about it. Although I'm not expecting anyone at all to read this... It might be fun to entertain myself through out this new experience called college. The big FIU awaits me as I experience the struggles of being a christian in today's world. So for those of you who like me, have no life... I hope you enjoy the ride...