5 girls + 4 ATVs + lots of mud = TROUBLE

So since my last post was a tad... morbid... i thought I'd share how i spent my memorial day weekend... well, one night of it at least.

Well, first off can I just say its not exactly the smartest thing to go ATVing at night... in the middle of a random forrest in Lake Placid. (for those of you who dont know, lake placid is a small town consisting of one grocery store, a few random forrests and a BIG lake) SO, anyhow, it began with me driving around... and because i couldnt see i droke straight into a lake.

Then, my friends had to attempt to get me out of the lake. We spent the rest of the time mudding.. goofing off.. until around 11:30 we figured we should head home....PROBLEM! We spent so much time goofing off that not 1 not 2 but 3 of our ATVs didnt work. So needless to say, it took 4 boys some extreme boy scout maintance and they hot wired the ATVs and we made it home around 1:30 am. But you know what?? While we were out there.. I saw the most beauitful sky. Fully lit with stars, it was so amazing it could take your breath away. So thats the weekend for ya in a nut shell.

Thinking...

I got a bit of a scare when I found that the odd lump near my "chest region" grew over the weekend. I am pre-disposed to breast cancer and it is common in women in my family. While I didnt jump the gun and get worried my Mom did. I sat back and made a doctor appointment when the idea of death flashed through my mind. I know its crazy to think of now... but I began to think, "What if this did come back malignant?" Would the people in my life know how much I loved them? What would my service look like? Would I want a service? Would I have accomplished all I set out to? and finally... and most importantly... where would I go? Death we all find to be a morbid subject, but why? So I began to think... and heres what I came up with:
1. I DO NOT want a wake/viewing. I want people to remember me as I was.
2. I want people to wear white not black. Death is something that is sad only for those left behind.
3. I want there to be a party. Not a sad, slow walking funeral. Remember my life as I lived it. To be around those you love... eat... dance... enjoy life.
4. I dont want flowers. I want that money to be donated to a chartiy of one's choice. All I want is a single white rose. (my favorite)
5. I want a few songs played: "On eagles Wings" "Be Not Afraid" and "Ave' Maria" I grew up catholic and these were always my favorite.

sorry if your reading this and find it morbid.. but hey you never know what might happen tomorrow so if you want your wishes known, put them out there... but im planning on being around for awhile! :D

Scars...

We are taught thru the bible and thru life that when someone hurts you forgive them, but what happens when your the one doing the hurting? The other day, as I often do, had a big lesson learned in this wierd ride called life. If you know me, I'm a sarcastic joking around person by nature. 90% of the time I'm very careful about what I say and do... well I experienced the other 10% and it was a wake up call. My friend Scott wrote a blog about scars. How the torments some of us went through as children still are very much apart of our everyday lives. It made me think of the torture I went through in 5th grade when I was told I had a uni-brow. Most people would laugh and shrug it off but to this day I have a tendency to look away when I talk to someone. Its not that im disinterested or bored, its simply a habit I have formed over the years as a result of being teased as a child. I have always tried to be careful of other's scars so as to not provoke any hurt feelings. Well, I slipped up. A good friend of mine was teased as a child for being heavy. To me he looks great, fit, handsome, but I forget sometimes that what we see is not always what they see. So my friend and I were joking around taking jabs at one another and I pinched his belly. Not thinking that it would cause him to get upset. I recived a 4 page text message about how it brought about feelings of his childhood. It made me so upset to know I hurt someone I care deeply for and would never want to hurt. To my friend.... your a stud... and im sorry. The bible teaches us to forgive one another... but what do you do when your the one that needs forgiving??

Senior Prank 2008!!!!!!!!!

So the pictures pretty much speak for themselves..... :D CLASS OF 2008 BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Courage...

Usually when the term courage comes to mind an image of a solider away at war or a child saying no to drugs and yes to jesus reflects my idea of courage. However, today gave me another lesson in courage or rather viewing courage in someone else. One thing that I have been blessed with is amazing friends, and everyone of them absoutly beauitful both inside and out... but the out part is what my lesson has been on. My good friend Danielle who I see as one of the most amazing women I have had the privledge to know came out and revealed she will be going to a clinic for eating disorders this summer. I have known Dani for quite some time and as the years progressed I have seen her go from normal absoutly healthyweight to a scary waist size. Sometimes we often see problems existing in others and do nothing about it. Although I made comments to Dani often as to how I was worried about her I never took the time to really express my concerns. Dani has shown a level of courage and maturity as she has taken the inital steps to battle this all too familiar diesese. I ask that if you could take a moment and pray for Dani and her recovery and that she may view her beauty as we do. I'm so proud of you Dani. I love you.

May 18, 2008...

Today is May 18, 2008. It is a Sunday... it is also the 3 month mark of the death of my very good friend Devon Monivis. Three months ago, I learned that my friend of nearly 8 years had died in a horrible car accident. 18 years old... 3 months shy of his high school graduation. To all of us it seemed like a senseless tragedy... another innocent life taken, another good man ripped from the world. Its hard to seek God in pain when you can't see past your tears. But here we are... 3 months later. Our healing has begun. I can see pictures and not cry at the sight of his smile anymore. I can talk about him now in the past tense and not cringe. It was hard to see then, but Devon's death brought many of us closer than we had ever been. It was the first time the reality of life had truly sunk in and that our time to go truly may be at any moment. For those who knew Devon, he was always smiling... always telling some terrible joke, and just as he touched our hearts through his life... he continues to do so through his death. His love will always remain in my heart, and the legacy of love that he left behind will stay with us all. Devon Monivis was truly a great man, who was taken far too soon. Heaven got another angel 3months ago today.... I love you Devon.... Rest in Peace.

Prom...

Well... Its finally over. The 4 years of built up anticipation has finally come to a close. And let me say... it was AWESOME! Now the day of was a bit... stressful. Let me explain... when your an 18 year old girl and your hair looks bad for your senior prom... you get a tad ticked off. But thank God for Mothers. MY poor mom, after a near full day of flying from her vacation in Hawaii she comes home to two extremely emotional girls only to find their hair looks terrible and they cant fix it... but my mom being the awesome woman she is took some hairspray and bobbypins and voila!!! PROM HAIR! (Thanks Mom!) Anywho... our prom tickets were $180.00 EACH! I know I know if your prom was before 2001 your probably falling off your chair right about now, but the Westin Diplomat was incredible and so worth the money. The crowning of King and Queen, the occasional drunk girl running around and then throwing up. It was prom as I always imagined it to be. Its funny how you wait so long for something and then it comes, goes, and now I'm about to graduate. Its just one more step in this crazy ride called life.... until next time... hasta

Gracious Uncertainty

I woke up today with a laundry list of things to do. I found myself making and breaking plans all within the five minute span that I awoke. I looked at my calendar as I often do and sat back to think. These next 3 weeks are the 3 weeks that in essence culminate the entire experience of high school. Prom is tomorrow, Finals are next week and then...... GRADUATION! Ah! Can we all take a moment and let that just sink in... :D

Anyways... I began thinking if I dont do everything exactly as I planned today, I wont get everything done that I need to... and thats alot like our lives isn't? Our natural inclination is to be so precise- trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next. When in fact the bible teaches us the exact opposite. Teaching not to think of tomorrow for we don't know the first thing about tomorrow. Stealing a passage from "MY Utmost" Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life- gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life.

I have found that this ties in perfectly with Matt Miller's teaching at the Loft, to become spiritual in every area of our lives (thanks Matt, you rock!) And not be become a "good person" but a person of integrity. And ithink that is an important lesson, because just as we try to dictate our lives and everything we do, we often try to mold ourselves into the person we believe or the person we think God wants us to be. "... it has not yet be revealed what we shall be..."(1 John 3:2) Sometimes we just need to set back, let go, and let God... and for you control freaks like me out there I know it can be hard. But just remember God works in all ways, often in Gracious Uncertainty. Just remain faithful to him, and the rest will work itself out....until next time.. hasta

Beginning This Journey into Blogging...

Well, I figured I might as well jump on the bandwagon and create myself a blog. I often will see something throughout my day that will 1. inspire me 2. tick me off 3. make me think 4. or is completely random and funny. And well since I type faster than I write I might as well blog about it. Although I'm not expecting anyone at all to read this... It might be fun to entertain myself through out this new experience called college. The big FIU awaits me as I experience the struggles of being a christian in today's world. So for those of you who like me, have no life... I hope you enjoy the ride...